Today....

well, here it is again....today--my moms birthday- it is a day that leaves me torn.... I hate the day because it is just another reminder....but I love the day because without I would have never had her. I miss her every moment.....it isn't that kind of -- do a few things and something reminds me of her....it is a constant- a costant hole in my heart and in my life. I know this blog is going to be sad.....because today....I have been sad. Longing for Heaven more than normal....wanting to be with her again and to see her....to think the thousands of things I have said outloud to her since her death--wondering if she has heard and is laughing or crying with me.....oh how I would love to have another little while with her. To get her advice about my life...to laugh with her about my ability to fall down stairs so much....I fell this past week and I cried mostly not because of being hurt (breaking my toe and twisting my ankle) but because I wanted to call her....and hear her laugh at me....tell me that it was because I should never wear heels! I want to pray with her-- she didn't like praying outloud but she knew I did and she would let me go on forever....and how I long for that look-- the one that told me she thinks I am a good person- that she is proud of me.....I even miss her telling anyone who would listen about her kids......her grandkids....her husband. She loved us.....and I miss her like crazy. I have a voicemail on my phone from her...she had left it about a week before she left us....she knew that I was speaking at a youth even and was nervous about it.....she called me sometime in the night and left a message...it just say-- hey this is mom-- I just wanted you to know that you are the most precious wonderful girl ever and I am so very proud of you too....I love you-- talk to you later. now....I will probably never delete that message-- I have resaved at least 100 times in these past two years.......and maybe it is strange and some would call it morbid.....but it is my only chance to hear her voice.....and I don't listen to it often but when things are hard.....I do-- I listen and want to do better and be stronger and live better so that I can be with her again! Okay- I told you it would be sad......but I had to talk about her....because Today....is her birthday.

jackhammer!!!!

OKay...no I am not using a euphemism (probably misspelled) -- it is what I have been hearing outside my office all week! And I am incredibly excited to hear it....because our students are going to have the most amazing new Student Center when they return in just 18 days!!! WOW-- they are going to be excited..and I am too. I said that to say this-- when I was watching and listening to them knock a wall down in front of our office yesterday-- I was thinking about persistence-- these guys kept pounding and pounding away at this wall....it was quite funny (because we never thought they would get it down) and it was loud..but I was watching it....I actually spent 10 minutes of my lunch break watching it. ( you might be a redneck if you watch someone jackhammering for 10 minutes) Anyway they were at it.....and they kept at it...and yes even this morning they are at it again. Persistence-- what a great thing...keeping at it. I relate to that because of lots of things....my prayer life for one....my weight loss for another....my constant effort to love running!!!....and of course persistence in my desire to go to heaven (to see God and Jesus....to be with my mom again) So what is it about keeping on keeping on that is so important-- the obvious is that if you want to get something done you MUST try.....the underlying is the feeling it gives you-- to know that you are continuing to strive...to be better, to do more, to feel like you are making a difference in others and yourself. Persistence is Biblical--Noah kept building a boat in a drought, Moses kept working to get God's children freed, Jeremiah continued to pray for 23 with no results, Paul fought the good fight, the list seems endless....persistance.....what a blessing we have to know what we are keeping on keeping on for-- to know that we have a Father who will never leave or forsake us. Our reward is great when we strive to go forward-- when we don't quit-- when we keep our eyes focused on our goal-- oh that wall -- it has a gigantic hole in it..the sun is shining through and the men are proud of their work!! So whether your praying, loosing weight, exercising, striving for heaven or just wanting to knock a hole in a wall-- Keep on Keeping on!