Thank you Dr. Warren

I never remember talking to him when I didn't walk away feeling better- I remember the very first time I ever met he and Susan-- we had lived here only a short time and one Sunday night at church- they invited us to a game night with their supper club- there were 6 couples and it was such a wonderful evening- Susan was a wonderful hostess and Lindsey was so special and sweet and such a dear soul. We felt so welcomed by them and knew that we would become friends.....Lindsey had known my brother for several years already and Jeff had told me that he was a great great man. It was wonderful to find two such loving and gracious folks who were literally full of the goodness of Christ. Later, I had the privilege of sitting at his feet in Bible class- he always gave us a great amount of things to think about- things to help us improve our life and our service. Vic and I never left his class without some great discussion and some great studying later.

When I coached cheerleading- Lindsey, without fail, came to me and the girls after ever game and told us how much he appreciated our hard work, that he was proud of them. That meant so much to our girls- after about the third season of this he came to me to ask me if he could do something to get a pep club started-- he wanted to see the school support the teams- I thought this was a bit odd for him but then he told me the real reason- he told me that it might be a great outreach. Dr. Warren knew that some of the student athletes were not Christians or didn't have the blessing of coming from a wonderful Christian home-- he and I spent lots of time talking about outreach to them. He loved the students so much-- it was the biggest thing we had in common. He would often cry when he was talking to me about some student that was struggling.... He would pray with me- when I begin to see my own life start to unravel a bit. Each time I saw him he would ask about my life and how things were going and then- I would get a note from him letting me know he cared. He was a good good soul. A man that I had such respect for-- a man that had so much respect for his Father- both earthly and heavenly.

Lindsey loved Susan- as she started getting sick- he really had no idea how to let people help him. It was so difficult because he had always been the one that helped others-- Eventually he let people in and I really believe the only reason he did was because of his love for her.....He never let on that he was hurting or that he was in any pain. He just spent his time taking care of her. Susan had blessed his life so much for so long and he knew he needed her to do the same as her situation worsened.

I would often try to say thank you to Lindsey for things I knew he had done- things that he didn't know to many people were aware of-- a letter here, a gift there, a prayer or a plan to help someone. He didn't want to be thanked- he wanted to just be allowed to do things for others...and this he did well.

It has been a difficult week for those of us who loved and were loved by Lindsey- When the world said good bye to Lindsey Warren- they said good-bye to one of our heros-- one of the kindest people I have ever known, one of our greats, one of God's greatest servants. I know that the greatest gift that we could give to this dear man-would be to be a little kinder, a little more giving, to reach out to those in need- to help someone who was hurting- and to do all we could to bring others to Christ. Our loss is great, our pain is real but Heaven is sweeter and our desire to be there becomes yet again richer.

the little couch

the little couch- I wonder if it will always be with me- I plan for it to be- in order for you to understand any of this blog- i need to tell you about how I acquired the little couch- One day several years ago-- I was talking to my best friend, Jenn- I was telling her how I had always wanted a couch in my room--but I had never had one- I told her I wanted one that was not giant but that would be cozy and a good place to write my book and a place to pray and that the only requirements were that it had to have "country" fabric. She and I had talked about it for awhile and one day she said- why don't we just drive over to the furniture store and see if they have one that you might want-- so-- we did- my mom was with us and we found the most adorable little couch- it was pretty soft blues and green plaid with a little strip of red mixed in-- it was perfect- and it was a single sleeper- It was the only one in the store that day that didn't come with a set-- and the owner told me that they would not be ordering any more of that type soon-- my mom- being my mom said- we should definitely take this home with us!! So we did- it wasn't very expensive and it almost looked a little worn but it was wonderful to sit on and it felt so safe and cozy-- This little couch was just a small piece of me in my house-- for those of you that don't know- I didn't do any of my own decorating when I lived in the "big house"-- my husband did- he didn't like my style and he didn't want my input-- so everything (including the house) was all about him and his very extravagant taste....everything until now- I had this little couch- it was all me!! I loved it- I convinced V to let me keep it because it was a gift and he said as long as it stayed in the bedroom and out of site of visitors I could have it....I was so happy with my purchase. Proud to finally have a little bit of me in my world. Now-- this couch-- no one can really understand what it meant to me as the years progressed- it was the couch that slept on when i was sick- it was the place that I wrote lots of chapters to what I hope will one day become a book- it was where I sat with my mom when we needed to be close and not be with everyone in the house- it was the place I literally felt my heart break when my dad told me about losing my mother- it was the place my best friend and I talked about her future and her love of the young man she wanted to marry-it was where I wrote letters to my mom even after she was not with me and where I felt most comfortable when I had a serious surgery- it was the place that made me feel safe when I spent 3 months of my life fearful to be anywhere else in my own home. I am now in a new house- a house that I decorated alone- all the choices were mine and it is quite country and quaint...but- My little couch--it is old and somewhat worn now-- reminds me of "the beauty of the velveteen rabbit" and yet- it is with me-- it sits now in my kitchen- a special reading spot for me where sunlight flows in and its comfortable feel makes me know I am home-Tonight- as I sit on my little couch to put my thoughts on paper- I can't help but think about the comfortable feeling that surrounds my life in so many ways these days-- The love of a Father in Heaven that watches my every step, the joy of friends both old and new, the safe feeling of knowing I am ok in my own home, the blessing of a work family that I am so close to they feel like family. My blessings are bountiful and my heart overflows with an inner joy that I have missed for so long. I am thankful for so so much----including my little couch.

God's tears

Tonight was interesting- I was having one of those nights when I couldn't sleep-- they come pretty frequently- I just am not a big fan of sleeping and sometimes talk myself out of it. So I decided that I would try to spend some time just being with God. It has been a very very tough week in our office- one of the major downsides of caring so much about people is that sometimes they disappoint you. I have certainly in my life had my share of disappointments from people- and I know how to deal with this-- you just completely and totally realize that where your strength comes from the Lord-- The Father, he is my best friend, my confidant, my true love. Just like sometimes a husband and wife or mother and child or friend and friend need some time to just really really be together- to let nothing else get in the way of a wonderful conversation- I needed that time with my Creator. So- I went into my kitchen and sat on my favorite piece of furniture- ( the little couch-- that is for an upcoming blog) I got my Bible and my journal and started writing- making a list of all the things that I wanted to say Thank you to God for-- things He has given me-- things He has done in my life- things He is teaching me....It began- before I knew it- my "list" was about 3 pages long and very detailed.... So I talked-- something I love doing and love it even more when the Listener really cares. :)I told Him all of my issues at work and all of the pain I had felt as I continuously deal with a friends betrayal and how I miss him-I told Him about how much I wanted to trust in Him as I waited on so many answers. As I talked I felt such a strong peace-- such a lighter load- really really. Now don't freak out-- I am not saying that all of my burdens just lifted and were swept away- I am saying- that it was that deep peace- that peace that reminds us all that we are close in the arms of our Lord- and that He will take care of us in the storms of life- even in the very tough times. I am so thankful for prayer- so blessed by it every moment. I realized as I spent time talking with my Best Friend- that finally the night had passed - the rain was falling hard and as I stared out the window - watching this beautiful falling rain- I thought back to a time when my mom used to tell me that the rain was God's tears- that He would cry over the pain that others felt....I smiled as I thought of this -realizing all that I had just given Him in my time with Him. It was a hard rain-- and after such a wonderful time in prayer- my tough week felt washed away.

New or Old

A few nights ago two of our newest friends came over to the house with Blake- Lincoln and Haley- they are two very precious freshman- who will soon (more than likely) join the XBX family. which sorta means they will become regulars at our home....because of my boys. I love this!! I noticed several times in the course of the evening that Lincoln would say things that were so spiritual- one of those things was that someday he wants to be President- I asked him why and he said something to the effect of- well, I just wanted to do something that would show the power of God...I know he doesn't know me well enough for me to cry over a statement like that-- but, I just wanted to. I watched the two of them lots and talked lots and felt that familiar bond start to form-I know that there are so many people that cross through my life- literally each semester new people come to FH and I get to meet most all of them and many of them become young people that I love and that even as I meet them for the first time-- I realize that it will be may be only four short years that I will have the blessing of having them in my life-- it seems a bit well....almost unfair. Just yesterday, some of my dear "old" college kids came in to visit me (Michael and Alyssa)- they are a young married couple- who I originally helped to set up. I love them both very much-they are truly special to me- one of the things they shared with me is some of the places they may live when they are both (she has already finished) finished with school- one of those places in Texas!!!!!! Not gonna lie- that sad and yucky feeling hit my stomach as I thought about them being so far away. I know going in to each relationship that I am 'risking' this yucky feeling. In all honestly- I wouldn't trade it. To quote a line from one of the great movies: "I would rather have 5 minutes of wonderful than a whole life time of nothing special." I realize even as I write those words- it is something special...the job I have- the blessing of these young people who I have the privilege of watching grow and become even more wonderful than they thought they could be. I also realize the great gift that God has placed in my life- by giving me these sometimes 4 years of being able to help them, care for them, love them, and yes, even teach them. I get to watch them in their great joys from a softball win to engagement ring....and I get to hold their hand through some difficulties- from a roommate crisis to the loss of a family member. What a blessing they are in my life-- I get the joy of seeing my own children as they learn from some of the most amazing friends they could have - as I hear them talk about staying up til 4 discussing a fellow brothers struggle and I love them for these things. I watch them as one young soul makes a change in their life by going forward at church and I see 20 or 200 of his or her peers surround them with love and care.

Each time one of them leaves me -- I say to myself- I will NOT get this close to another student and then there I go again-- loving yet one more 'child'. I cannot stop this crazy cycle-- and honestly I wouldn't want to-- I really do know that each time my path crosses with one of these wonderful people-- I give a bit of my heart away and yet--somehow- each time my heart feels more full- my life richer and heaven's future sweeter. I look at these two special young people- Lincoln and Haley and I realize that these new friends are as much a part of the big God picture as my dear sweet Michael and Alyssa. I wouldn't change a thing-- new or old.