Sunday, August 12, 2007
Today....
well, here it is again....today--my moms birthday- it is a day that leaves me torn.... I hate the day because it is just another reminder....but I love the day because without I would have never had her. I miss her every moment.....it isn't that kind of -- do a few things and something reminds me of her....it is a constant- a costant hole in my heart and in my life. I know this blog is going to be sad.....because today....I have been sad. Longing for Heaven more than normal....wanting to be with her again and to see her....to think the thousands of things I have said outloud to her since her death--wondering if she has heard and is laughing or crying with me.....oh how I would love to have another little while with her. To get her advice about my life...to laugh with her about my ability to fall down stairs so much....I fell this past week and I cried mostly not because of being hurt (breaking my toe and twisting my ankle) but because I wanted to call her....and hear her laugh at me....tell me that it was because I should never wear heels! I want to pray with her-- she didn't like praying outloud but she knew I did and she would let me go on forever....and how I long for that look-- the one that told me she thinks I am a good person- that she is proud of me.....I even miss her telling anyone who would listen about her kids......her grandkids....her husband. She loved us.....and I miss her like crazy. I have a voicemail on my phone from her...she had left it about a week before she left us....she knew that I was speaking at a youth even and was nervous about it.....she called me sometime in the night and left a message...it just say-- hey this is mom-- I just wanted you to know that you are the most precious wonderful girl ever and I am so very proud of you too....I love you-- talk to you later. now....I will probably never delete that message-- I have resaved at least 100 times in these past two years.......and maybe it is strange and some would call it morbid.....but it is my only chance to hear her voice.....and I don't listen to it often but when things are hard.....I do-- I listen and want to do better and be stronger and live better so that I can be with her again! Okay- I told you it would be sad......but I had to talk about her....because Today....is her birthday.
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5 comments:
my heart aches for you...I'll be praying for you.
You know I understand. Thanks for your gift of words. I love you.
Missie... I recently found your blog and have been reading your inspring messages. You are such a talented writer, but even more, you are a sweet, caring person and it shows! You know I don't know how you feel, but you know I love you and I hurt when anyone I love hurts, so in a sense, I kind of know how you feel. Be comforted in the fact that she is happy and I know she wants you to be. No matter how long it seems, it really won't be long before you see her again! And then, well, all I can say is "Heaven, look out!" :-)
Missie,
I too miss Mamie. I know it is not as much as you miss her--but she was so special. We talk often about what she would say--sentences so often began with "the funnest thing you've ever seen" or "the cutest person in the whole world"--always the maximum hyperbole! I want you to know I loved her and miss her.
Hey Missie, I just found your blog. I know this was about a month ago, but my heart still aches for you. I too saved a voicemail from my dad just a week or so before he passed away. One day when I tried to listen to it, it was not there. I was so hurt because that was the only way I could hear his voice again. I don't necessarily understand what you are going through, but I do know that losing someone so special does make you physcially hurt. You mom was such a wonderful person and she has wonderful children to prove it!! Just know that I love you and think of you often!!
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