Today....

well, here it is again....today--my moms birthday- it is a day that leaves me torn.... I hate the day because it is just another reminder....but I love the day because without I would have never had her. I miss her every moment.....it isn't that kind of -- do a few things and something reminds me of her....it is a constant- a costant hole in my heart and in my life. I know this blog is going to be sad.....because today....I have been sad. Longing for Heaven more than normal....wanting to be with her again and to see her....to think the thousands of things I have said outloud to her since her death--wondering if she has heard and is laughing or crying with me.....oh how I would love to have another little while with her. To get her advice about my life...to laugh with her about my ability to fall down stairs so much....I fell this past week and I cried mostly not because of being hurt (breaking my toe and twisting my ankle) but because I wanted to call her....and hear her laugh at me....tell me that it was because I should never wear heels! I want to pray with her-- she didn't like praying outloud but she knew I did and she would let me go on forever....and how I long for that look-- the one that told me she thinks I am a good person- that she is proud of me.....I even miss her telling anyone who would listen about her kids......her grandkids....her husband. She loved us.....and I miss her like crazy. I have a voicemail on my phone from her...she had left it about a week before she left us....she knew that I was speaking at a youth even and was nervous about it.....she called me sometime in the night and left a message...it just say-- hey this is mom-- I just wanted you to know that you are the most precious wonderful girl ever and I am so very proud of you too....I love you-- talk to you later. now....I will probably never delete that message-- I have resaved at least 100 times in these past two years.......and maybe it is strange and some would call it morbid.....but it is my only chance to hear her voice.....and I don't listen to it often but when things are hard.....I do-- I listen and want to do better and be stronger and live better so that I can be with her again! Okay- I told you it would be sad......but I had to talk about her....because Today....is her birthday.

jackhammer!!!!

OKay...no I am not using a euphemism (probably misspelled) -- it is what I have been hearing outside my office all week! And I am incredibly excited to hear it....because our students are going to have the most amazing new Student Center when they return in just 18 days!!! WOW-- they are going to be excited..and I am too. I said that to say this-- when I was watching and listening to them knock a wall down in front of our office yesterday-- I was thinking about persistence-- these guys kept pounding and pounding away at this wall....it was quite funny (because we never thought they would get it down) and it was loud..but I was watching it....I actually spent 10 minutes of my lunch break watching it. ( you might be a redneck if you watch someone jackhammering for 10 minutes) Anyway they were at it.....and they kept at it...and yes even this morning they are at it again. Persistence-- what a great thing...keeping at it. I relate to that because of lots of things....my prayer life for one....my weight loss for another....my constant effort to love running!!!....and of course persistence in my desire to go to heaven (to see God and Jesus....to be with my mom again) So what is it about keeping on keeping on that is so important-- the obvious is that if you want to get something done you MUST try.....the underlying is the feeling it gives you-- to know that you are continuing to strive...to be better, to do more, to feel like you are making a difference in others and yourself. Persistence is Biblical--Noah kept building a boat in a drought, Moses kept working to get God's children freed, Jeremiah continued to pray for 23 with no results, Paul fought the good fight, the list seems endless....persistance.....what a blessing we have to know what we are keeping on keeping on for-- to know that we have a Father who will never leave or forsake us. Our reward is great when we strive to go forward-- when we don't quit-- when we keep our eyes focused on our goal-- oh that wall -- it has a gigantic hole in it..the sun is shining through and the men are proud of their work!! So whether your praying, loosing weight, exercising, striving for heaven or just wanting to knock a hole in a wall-- Keep on Keeping on!

This Time

There is a verse in the Bible that I completely love today.....mostly because I need it today....alot! It is found in Esther 4:14...I know you have heard it a thousand times...but today I needed to remember it and thankfully I did! The scripture makes this statement: who knows that you were not put here for such a time as this? WOW-- I keep thinking about my life and the whining and complaining that I do in my Missie world...and then this scripture comes to mind....what am I doing with MY TIME...with THIS TIME? It seems so easy to get into a rut with life--- it seems so easy to want to complain or fuss about this or that but what if we didn't...what if for just this time-- we thought about the purpose of us being here..right now? I was in my office this morning when I had been dwelling on this scripture when the phone rang.....it was a mom who has an great amazing wonderful new freshman coming to FHU in about a month....she was talking about sheets..yes, sheets (length, style, width) and all of the sudden she got really quiet and I realized she was crying....okay...honestly, I wasn't mean to her or anything....and we were just talking sheets...but yep, she was crying! And I ......well, I completely related! :) Because there are defintely days that the thought of what size sheets Blake and Drake will need on their college beds makes me cry too... anyway, I said are you okay...and she just poured it all out there....I mean lots...she told me how she was so worried about her daughter being so far away and how she wanted to know that she was going to be in good hands and in good care..where someone would look after her......well, we chatted for awhile...this is my love, my reason for being here....FOR SUCH A TIME AS THIS. Now, I am no Esther but what a gift...to be able to be there for others...God blesses me over and over again with this. So for this day--- this time....I am thankful for such a time as this. I hope this day brings to you the meaning of your time.

Gifts

Well, my thoughts are racing and I am not sure what to do .....this week has been quite busy already for me and now I have added something to my small mind to think on.....and so I thought I might share it with you and see what your thoughts are..... my week has been full of regular work and also on teaching at Horizons (a little thing FHU does each year....maybe you have heard of it) Anyway-- my subject that I was assigned was Growing up in Love with myself.. so I have taught for two days so far and one of the things I have asked these young girls is what are your special gifts?? So far NOBODY has said they had any? I mean seriously they have not felt they had any great special gift....wow! That makes me somewhat sad?? that makes me somewhat afraid??? and that makes me feel like somehow we have not being training our girls to realize their gifts. I have told them all they do-- definitely have special gifts.....and I have told them that they may not yet know what they are but to search for them. To know that He has given us all things that are for us!!!! THINGS we can do to make a difference....things that we can do to change lives and make this temporary home better.... Gifts are great-- they can be simple or they can be grand..... but they do inspire us and they are in each of us. Search for your gift.... I told them that one simple one that I have is that I don't mind at all standing in front of a group of young girls and letting them laugh at me or learn from me...it is their choice and I am sure they do both sometimes....but search for that gift...it is there-- use it and share it.

An escape (part 1)

This past week was an escape and a fun one at that-- we set off for the great an beautiful state of sunny Florida-- at about 1:00 a.m. on Saturday morning- we touched down in Destin via Chevy Venture on Saturday morning about 10:30- the ride itself was an experience- it was my three sons: Ren, Blake and Drake and a good friend of theirs: Preston Wade. The boys had convinced me that this drive would be a piece of cake- I mean they were going to sing and talk to me and keep me awake the entire trip-- I must say that about the time we reached the Corinth, MS exit (45 minutes away from home) it was just Ren and I....it remained that way the entire trip-- my oldest son says he never wants to see me drunk-- because sleep deprivation is bad enough! We had a great time (you know those moments when your child is your literal captive) and they have to listen to you-- it was terrific- we did not stop for gas and only once for food the entire way-- it was fun and simple and an escape!
When we checked into our amazing beach front condo-- I realized that it had been way to long since we had done this-- the WELL rested boys were estatic and they we all headed for the beach-- somewhat empty and totally beautiful! Wow! I had fun! I read two great books and I prayed more than I have in at least a week or two-- I played with my children (such a great blessing) and we stayed up late late late and woke up early to get a nap on the beach! We ate mostly in the condo and it was great-- we kinda took turns cooking- Our wonderful friends Jason and Sara came to stay with us on Monday--they are moving away from Henderson so it was one of our last times to just see each other everyday!! They of course are two of the craziest folks I know and I love them dearly-- everyone had just simple fun! An escape!!! I won't bore you with details of each day but lets just say that I kept remembering the phrase-- this is really living! So this escape of course made me grateful-- made me long desperately for heaven-- and made me want to be better and strive harder to take others with me. I hope you find time in your busyness of life to have an escape....to get away and make memories with your family and friends-- to live each day to the fullest and to just... escape!

Psalms 5:3

In the morning, O LORD, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait in expectation. This has got to be one of the greatest scriptures ever in my life-- because first off I love love love the fact that we are granted the privilege of talking to the Lord-- second, I am a BIG TIME fan of the morning-- I like waking up way before the sun comes up and getting a list of 10 things done and then watching the sunrise-- WOW-- nothing is really better than that in my day! This morning was incredible-- I got up about 5 and just worked like mad to get my list done-- and while I was working-- "adoption story" was on TV....love that show....so I had a great cry. Then that of course led to some big time prayer time-- so I went to the gym and prayed for about 20 minutes-- just talked to God-- it is always so interesting how I feel so comfortable to speak with God about everything-- and yes, today I had some big stuff to talk about-- request if you will-- :) I find myself telling God about all the things He already knows and yet it is a blessing I can't imagine being without! Laying my request before Him and knowing He is listening-- and getting to wait with expectation! Well, today I am thankful for Prayer and thankful for early mornings!!! What are your request.....let Him know!!

Family

Okay Blog #2
I am enjoying this blogging more than I thought I would-even though I don't know that anyone will read them-- they are fun and great therapy.
I have been thinking today alot about family-- maybe because there is not enough time in the day to spend as much time with each of them as I would like-- maybe because this is the last year that my boys will be home before they go to college and I feel it everyday! :( I love my family-- all of them-- seriously, I have never been one of those moms who was happy for the first day of school to begin or sad for summer to start -- I want to be with my children-- if it wouldn't effect them greatly down the road, they would live with me forever!!! :) They are good young men-- all of them-- they are not perfect but they are good and they make me so feel so honored when they include me in their lives. I like them not just because they are my sons but also because they are Great! I would enjoy being with them no matter whose children they were!
Family-- my two sister in laws-- they are BOTH amazing! They are good good people and they care about what happens to all those around them. My brothers-- well, don't even get me started-- if you know me well at all-- you KNOW that I believe they are amazing! Not because we are related but just because they truly strive to be like Christ and live what they teach and preach and that is rare! They are also very good to me-- they have pulled me through some very tough times-- what a blessing they are to everyone who knows them. And of course, my parents-- I lost my mom in December of 2005-- and I still struggle EVERY day with missing her. I know she is better off then any of those of us here on earth-- but oh how I long for just more time with her. She was an incredible woman-- not because she was a famous "ladies day" speaker, not because she wrote novels (best I remember she didn't like to read books except the Bible), not because she headed grand committees at church or because she was a wonderful cook or an expert house keeper-- but she was an incredible woman because she Loved God...and she taught her children to Love God. She made her life a joyful life because of her love for Him-- and she taught me and my brothers to do everything with God at the head of it. My mom--- she was the biggest cheerleader for us and the best friend I could ever have!! Oh how I miss her. Daddy-- many people know him as Brother Jenkins, Brother Jerry, Dr. Jenkins, Minister, TV personality, evangelist.....and tons of other labels...but for me-- he is just my Daddy! He would hate me to be talking about him on here but I just must for a bit-- He is one of those kinds of men that you know how he is by looking at his life-- who he serves, who he strives to be like, who he works for everyday-- my Daddy taught me many many things but two big things stick out in my mind and life everyday-- 1st- you can handle anything for a little while-- now that doesn't seem like a big statement but for me-- well, lets just say it has been my focus alot in life- 2nd- always be doing something for other people. Dad is like that-- he is always doing things for others-- no matter how busy he gets he does for others. I love him so much-- I believe He truly patterns his life after Christ daily.
Family-- no wonder I love to think about it! More to come-- I didn't even get started on the nephews and nieces!!! :)

Wondering

I am here in this office in a small town in the great state of Tennesses wondering-- not because I am not working-- but just wondering because of my work-- I am currently housing about 450 new freshman coming for Fall 07 to our incredible university and as I go through each application-- as I enter each name-- as I read about each one-- I am wondering! What kind of people will these young adults be- what kind of things will they love about FHU? Will they love it as much as I do-- (okay impossible :)-- What kind of situations will happen here for them that will make them better people-- what will they do that will make this place even better! I have been praying for each person before I place them in a room-- I just feel the need to do so-- I mean I am not doing anything life changing??!! oh wait? what if I am? what if there are young people who will grow closer to Christ because of the roommate I placed them with-- what if it is the one time in their life that they get to laugh and smile and be encouraged! It could be life changing-- that puts a whole new perspective on what I am doing-- I do love my job-- it is a blessing to me everyday. Housing at Freed-Hardeman...life changing?...makes me wonder!!??